


Bad Days

by junmyeonssi



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Depression, Fluffy Ending, I need help, M/M, Please Don't Hate Me, Sad, Sort Of, Suicide, Triggers, im so sorry, poor myeon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-10-31
Packaged: 2019-08-11 04:08:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16468412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junmyeonssi/pseuds/junmyeonssi
Summary: welp it's another sad junmyeonI'm going to hell aren't I





	Bad Days

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGERING DO NOT READ IF SENSITIVE   
> yeah anyway hate me and leave a comment telling me so   
> also this wasn't supposed to be based on their mutual attraction as much as it was on depression and suicide. I know there are inaccuracies here, but I'm tired, be lenient with me please. constructive criticism is appreciated!!

When Junmyeon isn't okay, Suho is. Ever since Kris' departure, things hadn't been okay, not with EXO, or even Junmyeon. Beneath all his smiles and laughs, Junmyeon had his, and when he needed to be happy and funny, it was Suho, Suho who had slowly taken over Junmyeon's life until Junmyeon had ceased to exist, until Suho was what was left. And perhaps it had started before that, when Junmyeon was a trainee and wanted to be accepted, wanted it so much he had created himself a persona, one of laughter, happiness, and funniness, one of a carefree, content person. While he left Junmyeon alone, sad, tired, shy, quiet, awkward, and not enough. As Suho grew, Junmyeon wilted. 

 

And nobody noticed. Or so he thought. 

 

But Jongin, happy, lovely, and out of Junmyeon's reach, Jongin saw and he hated it, hated how Junmyeon changed, hated how when Suho came out of meetings with the managers, he had a little smile tugging at the corner of his mouth, yes when Junmyeon smiled it was the prettiest thing in the world, but that smile, that smile told of a self-hatred and discontent and maybe something more. Something Jongin couldn't stand. So Jongin resolved to bring his leader, his Junmyeon back. 

It started with little praises, thing like, "Look everyone, isn't Junmyeon's smile the prettiest?" or "I love you, Junmyeon. Love your smiles, the way your eyes scrunch up slightly, how your voice sounds, and how pretty you look and your aegyo." Although everybody know Jongin hated it when someone else did aegyo, Junmyeon quickly became an exception. Jongin did his best to compliment Junmyeon and he became a lot more affectionate with him. He would barge into Junmyeon's room, bouncing onto his bed and cuddling Junmyeon. 

And perhaps, Junmyeon started coming back, started to grow, while Suho wilted. 

Junmyeon was tired, though. Today hadn't been very nice at all. He'd gone through a long meeting with the higher ups and they began insulting him, criticizing his choice of words during the award show last week, criticizing his wardrobe, his voice, his face, his dancing, his everything. And so Suho sat through it all, stoic look on his face as he accepted the cruel words and promised to do better. While Junmyeon fell, crumbled under the harshness and as two words repeated in his mind (not enough), he swore he'd do better, do enough until he was worth something.  

Jongin noticed, again. And he hated it, hated the looks, hated how he could see how Junmyeon was falling, how his precious Junmyeon was so unsuited for the harsh task of being a leader, hated how the once bright, lively, giggly Junmyeon disappeared until all that was left was the professional, cool Suho. And so he schemed, tried to figure out a way for Junmyeon to appear and stay.   
(and maybe, maybe Jongin was falling too, falling in love with Junmyeon) 

And so when Junmyeon was called back to the room, he learned that they had decided for him and Jongin to be roommates. And so Suho agreed, and Junmyeon cringed away, not looking forward to spending time with a person he had fallen for. Because Junmyeon wasn't enough, not for perfect, talented Jongin. 

Jongin was happy. He was finally able to spend time with Junmyeon and make him come back. But something changed, and Junmyeon was terrified? of Jongin and Jongin was sad. 

Junmyeon was tired. He just wanted to break and let Jongin hold him, hug him, cuddle him, tell him everything was alright. But he couldn't, he couldn't burden Jongin, not Jongin, not his precious, beautiful, lovely Jongin. So he avoided Jongin to the best of his ability. 

However, a few weeks later, Junmyeon was having another 'bad' day. Oddly, it had nothing to anyone else, he was just.. upset and sad and tired. And he quietly excused himself from the dining room where all the members were conversing, or rather, being amused with Chanyeol running from Kyungsoo. Junmyeon disappeared to his and Jongin's room, and lied facedown on his bed, sobbing and sniffling. But Junmyeon was unaware of the person who had been watching him and who came after him silently, wanting to help him. 

And so Jongin found Junmyeon lying on his bed, crying his eyes out. He walked over and sat down beside Junmyeon, rubbing circles on his back and whispering soft nothings into his ears. 

Junmyeon slowly stopped his tears and turned and buried his head into Jongin's chest. Soft and comforting, Junmyeon noted, wearily. 

And so Jongin and Junmyeon had a silent agreement, whenever Junmyeon was having a bad day, Jongin and he would go to their room and Jongin would hold him comfortingly as he sobbed and broke down. 

Jongin wanted to do so much more, to be more to Junmyeon. He wanted for Junmyeon to love him back and most importantly, he wanted Junmyeon to be okay. But he knew that Junmyeon would never love him back, he was just a friend, right? So Jongin settled for just being a good friend and trying to make Junmyeon okay. 

Junmyeon was so, so tired. He just wanted Jongin to come comfort him. But even then, he knew it wouldn't be quite enough, he needed it. He needed his blades. Junmyeon stumbled to the bathroom where he had hidden his blades. He probably should've left something, anything for the rest of the members to know why he had killed himself, but he was just.. so tired, too tired. He sat down in the tub and picked up his blade and began making the lines on his skin. He watched the blood dribble down and through the fog in his brain, he thought he heard a voice screaming, but it was too late. He was gone. 

He woke up in a hospital. Why? He was supposed to be dead. And Jongin was there, beautiful Jongin. 

Jongin and Junmyeon talked, talked a lot. Jongin told him about everything, his feelings for Junmyeon, his want for Junmyeon to be okay, everything. And Junmyeon reciprocated, he in turn, told Jongin how much he loved him but how he didn't want to weigh down and burden Jongin, about his sadness and despair that even Jongin couldn't fix. 

Junmyeon received anti-depressants and counseling. And with the help of Jongin (and anti-depressants and counseling, but Jongin encouraged him) he was growing better. Yes, he still had bad days, but they were getting better. And even though sometimes anti-depressants felt like a very fake version of happiness that he didn't want to take, Jongin was there, providing him with encouragement, praise, and telling him how much he loved him.


End file.
